Hello. I see that you don’t recognize me. That’s okay; it’s not your fault. I know black and white stripes make me look weird. By the way, I’m Wolf; A. Wolf. I’m the wolf from Goody-Two-Shoes-Little Red Riding Hood.
Wait! Don’t leave! And please stop screaming; you’re hurting my ears! Thank you. Wait – stop backing away; I can see you. Don’t you want to hear my sad, sorrowful tale? I won’t do anything to you; I’m too depressed about this jail suit. Too bad these policemen don’t have any colour sense.
Anyway, right to the point. I will now tell you the true story of Little Red Riding Hood, and this time, it will be the truest ever … Now sit down, and listen.
* * * * *
The sun shone high above the huge pine trees in the woods, spreading its sunshine through the blue sky to this little village. I was roaming around the woods chasing bunnies for fun, the sunshine warming my fur through my green shirt. It feels like it was just yesterday. Wait … Actually, it was yesterday.
Anyway, there I was, minding my own business, when down the sandy track came trouble; Riding Hood. I kept my snout down and said nothing. Suddenly, I felt her tap me on my shoulder with a long, pointy finger. I turned around to face her. She was so close to me, we were standing nose to snout.
“Hi! My name’s Little Red Riding Hood,” she said to me.
“Hello,” I replied.
“Nice to meet you,” she told me, staring expectantly at my face. Feeling uncomfortable, I looked away from her heavily made-up face. I noticed the picnic basket she was carrying.
“What’s in the basket?” I asked curiously. That question seemed to satisfy her,
“Cake and guava juice,” she replied.
“For who?” I asked.
She smiled wisely from ear to ear.
“For my sick granny who lives beyond the mill at the fifth house in the village.”
“Well, have a nice walk,” I told her, turning away, but she grabbed my shoulder.
“Want to race there?” she asked me, her eyes sparkling. “I bet you’ll lose!” she grinned.
Now, I’m normally very mild-tempered, but I just don’t stand for someone insulting me like that! I nodded.
“I’ll race you,” I said. “You go that way,” I pointed to a random way, “and I’ll go the other, and we’ll see who gets there first!”
She grinned, and both of us ran off.
* * * * *
Of course, I got to Red Riding Hood’s granny’s house first. I felt sorry for the sick granny, so I knocked on the door of the house, planning to pay her a visit.
“Who’s there?” asked a scratchy, rough voice from inside.
Thinking that she would get panicked at hearing A. Wolf, I said, “Little Red Riding Hood, your grandchild. I’ve brought some cake and juice for you, sent by mum.”
“The key is under the doormat,” answered the old woman.
I bent down and got the golden key. I put it in the keyhole and turned the key. The door creaked open.
“Come in,” the grandmother ordered. I walked in. The inside was like a mansion. There was a huge crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling and under it was a richly decorated red carpet. On top of the carpet was a mahogany bed, and lying on that was old granny.
“Put the food on the table,” she ordered, “and sit here. What do you think of my lipstick? I bought it two weeks ago. I think the shade’s too subtle; I’ll have to buy another one; maybe an orange one or a purple one …”
The lady babbled on and on. She didn’t seem to notice that I was a wolf. She talked and talked until I got a really bad ear and headache. I yawned, covering my mouth with my chocolate brown paw.
“Are you not listening to me?” screeched granny loudly, spraying my snout with spit. Finally, I had had enough. I jumped up, snatched the woman from her bed, and stuffed her in the huge wardrobe.
Just then, the doorbell rang, vibrating in my ears and making the fur on my neck stand up. I quickly jumped into the bed, not wanting whoever it was to think that I had eaten old gran; I would never do that; I’m a vegetarian. I pulled on the gold-rimmed, ancient glasses lying on the chest of drawers.
“Who is it?” I asked in a voice as granny-like as I could manage.
“It’s me, Little Red Riding Hood, with cake and juice,” a familiar voice answered. Ah, I should have known. I’m just glad I’d replaced the keys.
“The keys are under the doormat.” I replied.
The door opened and the girl came in. She put her basket on a small table and muttered, “Knew I’d beat Wolfie!”
WOLFIE? What kind of name is Wolfie? O fought the urge to ask that question out loud. Red Riding Hood sat on the chair I had bee sitting on a moment ago.
“How are you?” she asked.
“Not bad; I mean I’ve gotten better since last time …” I trailed off. Red Riding Hood frowned.
“Your arms have gotten bigger,” she said.
“Erm … so that I can hug you better,” I replied.
“And your ears are bigger too!”
“To hear you better, you see?”
“And your eyes!
“My glasses are especially made to see you better.” I replied.
“And your teeth!”
“Uh … false?” I offered.
Suddenly, the girl’s eyes widened. “Wolf!” she exclaimed. I jumped up from the bed. I held my paws above my head in a surrendering gesture.
“I can explain!” I told her. I rushed over to the wardrobe and opened the door. Riding Hood’s gran sat there, reading. I smiled at Riding Hood triumphantly but she closed the wardrobe door again, grinning from ear to ear.
“Here’s for beating me in the race!” she exclaimed and then she screamed.
“AAAHHH!! Help! This wolf will eat me!”
A bunch of builders working nearby barged in and here I am. In jail for eight months and my name disgraced. This is the true story. People just assume that I’m bad and to blame. No one ever asks my side of the story. But remember, wolves aren’t ALWAYS that bad.
* * * * *
