A Little Bit Lost
Hi. It’s been a while.
I’ve remembered this blog a lot in the last few weeks. More than once, I’ve thought, I need to post again soon. But I haven’t. To be honest, I’ve had the time. Especially since my exams (and my whole degree, in fact) ended in June, I could’ve done a two whole months of blogging by now.
But I didn’t, for a number of reasons. First of all, I felt scared to look at the last post I wrote. With every passing day, it was getting older and older, and I didn’t want to know when I last uploaded (March. Ouch). Secondly, and more importantly, every time I tried to write something, it felt forced. I couldn’t find a good place to start, and the words felt not quite right, somehow.
And finally, I knew that upon my return, I’d probably have to do the whole “sorry I haven’t written in a while“, teenage-girl-writing-in-her-diary drill again. I wasn’t sure if I had to suffer through that cringe-y routine again, or whether I could just continue without acknowledging my absence. Obviously now you know what I chose.
Truthfully, I haven’t written much in the last few weeks. Not just on this blog; I just haven’t written at all, apart from shopping lists and text messages (and those don’t count, right?). I’m in a bit of a limbo at the moment: I just finished my BA, new things are approaching in September, but until then, I’m just a little bit lost. Don’t get me wrong. I have plenty of things to get done. And if not, there are plenty of movies and TV shows to sit through.
But it still feels like I have nothing to do. Or at least, like I don’t really want to do anything. Time is going by without my noticing, and before I can take stock, another day has finished. I seem to spend my time doing something or other, but by the end of the day, I seem to have done nothing at all.
I normally never treat this blog as a diary, or a space to clear out personal thoughts. But I’m bringing this up because my self-inflicted boredom has been affecting my writing, and pretty much most of the things I do.
So, in true writerly fashion, I’m writing about what is preventing me from writing, hoping that it’ll break my non-posting spell. Maybe the words of my next post will flow from my fingertips now.
What about you? Have you ever been in a writing/life limbo before? How did you deal with it? Let me know.
Until next time.
Photo by Ali Inay on Unsplash