On New Friends // Letters to October (14)

Dear October,

Before I started my final year of university, I started praying for friends again. What was the worst that could happen, I reasoned.

At some point, I started having plans again. I explored life as I wouldn’t have dared to by myself. I found myself with more hands to support me than in many years. In the meantime, further precarious fixtures in my life fell away. Most had been fading since high school years — unanswered messages on both sides, conversations abandoned midway, as if we had gone out of breath from running around the same track. It was a long time coming. Others went abruptly and loudly, leaving scars that will keep opening before they heal.

Either way, it hurts when ‘is’ becomes ‘was’. And it’s even harder to leave those rotting relationships behind when they keep reappearing, when your guard is down, through threads of social media. Keeping someone around like that, labelling them friend even when the word is empty of meaning, makes it easier to leave a window ajar in case the real thing is ever revived.

It’s easy to scroll through moments of their life and sink deeper into the what ifs. To wonder if they think of the past at all.

Continue reading “On New Friends // Letters to October (14)”

Taking the Scenic Route

A while ago, I noticed something scary.

For quite some time, longer than I realised, I haven’t been doing what I love. I haven’t written a creative word in months. I haven’t finished a short story since I graduated with my degree in English Literature and Creative Writing last year.

It’s always in the back of my mind. I should write something. This story would be interesting. But I don’t actually do it anymore.

I felt panicked when I realised this. How did I veer this far off track? Did I make the wrong choices? Am I on the wrong path completely?

I’m not heading where I thought I was. Have I made a serious mistake?

Continue reading “Taking the Scenic Route”

How to Succeed at Failure

As I’ve written in the ‘About’ section, this blog is a documentation of my journey towards my dream: to be a successful, published writer. I never imagined it would be easy. In the past, I’ve written about comparisonlosing and gaining inspiration, originality and getting my writing to more people.

Now, the more I get involved with the publishing industry, the more I realise that it’s not an understatement to say it’s competitive. So inevitably, failure has become a part of my journey, as has a question I frequently ask myself:

How am I supposed to stand out if I’m average?

True, I have a list of work placements and extracurricular activities on my CV; so does everyone else. I have good grades; so do many people. And I love books and writing, as does everyone in the industry. So how can I be anyone’s first choice if I’m not extraordinary in any way?

Continue reading “How to Succeed at Failure”